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Independently In Love: Love Secret #7 – Four Ways That Independent Women Fall In Love


by Chana Goldstein and Monica Sampson


Can you be independent, yet also in love? For hundreds of years, the answer was no. Marriage used to be a destination for women and signaled the end of the road for any non family-centered dreams. It seemed to be a choice…how would women ever achieve independence if they kept falling in love?

Now the world has changed. Marriage contains none of the old-school expectations. Yet, many women still risk giving up their dreams and riding shotgun through life while their life-partner takes the wheel. In the short term it feels pretty comfortable, but as many will tell you, it’s a recipe for disaster.

Here are four ways in which you can keep, not just the man of your dreams
but live the life of your dreams too!

1. Independent girls date guys whose life goals complement their own. 

It’s not the 1940’s anymore and we don’t just sit around waiting for ‘Mr Right.’ Usually, when we start dating we are in the active process of living out our dreams that we independently decided upon, before he was even a twinkle in cupid’s eye. However, it’s important to look down the line. Just because it works now does not mean that it will continue. Graduation, promotions or more personal goals like starting a family can make a huge difference. Don’t date and fall in love with a guy whose future dreams are the stuff of your nightmares. Otherwise be prepared for a painfully sad break-up, or even worse, a life lived out in his shadow and his name only.

Unless your goal is extremely unique  (for example, a life spent studying the mating habits of Empire Penguins in the Arctic) you will find lots of guys with compatible goals.

2. Independent girls are true to themselves and never false to others

Spider and web reflected on frightened woman's face (B&W) Jenny Diski

We all want to be liked and loved but an independent girl will never choose to be liked over being true to herself. I’ve seen plenty of, for example, opera-loving arachnophobes claim to share their boyfriend’s love of heavy metal and his pet tarantula named Harry. In truth, many guys actually don’t like an ‘oh me too’ type of girl willing to follow in their wake. However, today it seems almost as scary as a night with Harry the tarantula to confess our true selves. What if he walks away?

Living a lie might be easy in the short term but, in the long run, it’s easier and healthier to be true to yourself and honest to those around you, particularly the one you hope will be your ‘happily ever after.’

3.Goodbye Trophy Wives – Hello Power Couples

“George Clooney married Amal Almuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case; was an adviser to Kofi Annan regarding Syria … her husband is getting a lifetime achievement award.” Tina Fey, Golden Globes 2015

Power-couples are in fashion! Even heart-throb George Clooney is doing it! Marrying highly successful women is no longer a threat to his manhood and an independent woman must take advantage of this cool trend. However, mastering the power-couple dynamic isn’t easy. Taking turns, fully supporting each others dreams and constantly working hard on the relationship are all vital.

4. Strong Independent Women Can Be Team Players

While independent women are used to being the boss, a partnership means that leadership has to be something you are willing to share. While some decisions can be made ‘together,’ often someone has to take charge, break a tie in a fundamental difference of opinion or take responsibility. An independent woman is not threatened by the possibility of letting her partner take the lead because they have built a relationship of mutual respect, shared or complementary goals and are invested in each other’s success.blog_meme_independently_in_love

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