Love Chemistry: Love Secret #6 Why the Hottest Relationships Might Not Have What It Takes To Last
by Chana Goldstein and Danielle Miller
As long as you are in love…does anything else matter? Answer: yes, it usually does. True love is not a super-power. True love doesn’t conquer all. True love actually needs it all. From minor disagreements to major differences in opinion and outlook, when we are on the hunt for true love, these things might really matter.
Nowadays, the only chemistry that we seem to focus on is sexual chemistry. In reality, that is the easiest to ‘create’ or ‘fix’. It’s much easier to change positions in bed than it is to, for example, change positions on the values we hold. In general, what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom; however, lifestyle choices and emotional habits invade every area of our lives. Chemistry in those areas is vital.
Just like the devastation of a sex-less marriage, true love cannot conquer a value-less relationship – one in which neither person can agree, so the relationship ends up stuck between a rock and hard place. True love also can’t survive a relationship where neither person gives nor gets the emotional investment they really need. In this case, we end up feeling like we are in an emotion-less relationship. Maybe in the short term, sex and lust can replace what we are missing, but in the long term, no amount of crazy, passionate “love-making” will “make love”.
True love is not something that conquers a lack of emotional or values chemistry. True love is made of these things – connections and compatibility of values, emotions and physicality. The more connections you have, the stronger the love has the potential to be.
Women are far more than sex objects. If all we care about is how great we are in bed, then we are limiting ourselves. We need partners who appreciate, resonate and connect with things other than our physicality.
He will only truly be in love with you when he is in love with the true you.
1. Not in a relationship and not looking right now… great… we have to ditch thinking about how to become ‘great in bed’ and focus on ways we can get better at emotionally and intellectually sharing ourselves.
2. Not in a relationship but looking… This is the perfect opportunity to appreciate what types of people are compatible with your values and emotional capacity.
3. In a relationship… take a break from the physical to consider whether you are getting what you need emotionally and what values you share. If it doesn’t look good, it might be time to move on, regardless of how great he is in the bedroom.