Love Confident: Love Secret #5 Bust The Myths And Learn to Love Without The Pain
By Chana Goldstein and Danielle Miller
Finding true love is often all about confidence – the confidence to put ourselves out there, the confidence to commit or the confidence to walk away. However, three myths have killed our confidence, and threaten our ability to love at all.
So today we are myth-busting. Love is not as hard as you think, and finding the one is not as painful as everyone makes it out to be.
1. No experience necessary – NO, you do NOT need a string of failures in order to learn how to have a successful relationship.
You don’t need to ‘practice’ being in love before you can find the real thing. No one would invest in a failing company to ‘practice’ being rich. If we don’t think the relationship can be successful, then we are wasting our time, we are hurting ourselves and, worst of all, we are using someone ‘for practice’.
#LoveConfident by asking yourself ‘Is he the real thing or is he just for practice?’
2. NO, you DON’T need to date lots of guys to figure out what you want in a man.
I find this myth patronizing and insulting. For example, let’s say that I want to be a ‘stay-at-home-mom’. How many struggling artists do people think I should waste my time dating to figure out that he won’t be able to financially support my lifestyle choice?
And when it comes to character traits, love isn’t a process of ‘pick and mix’. You don’t date character traits, you date the whole person. It is important to know what you have to offer and what you need in terms of personality. However, having to emotionally, (and probably physically), expose yourself time and time again to guys as some kind of experiment just seems cruel.
#LoveConfident by putting the breaks on experimental dating and deciding what you want practically and emotionally before you go out.
3. No, you do NOT need to date him for a long time to check out what it’s going to be like when you get married.
There is no ‘trial run’ for commitment. A committed relationship like marriage requires a completely different skill set than dating. In fact, playing ‘house’ before marriage is actually more likely to lead to divorce. There is no rush, but there is no need to hold out for years while you provide him with all the benefits of a devoted wife, without any of the responsibilities.
One of the great things about marriage is that you are creating something new, real and permanent. As with anything new, there is a learning curve. Embrace it!
#LoveConfident by keeping your head in the game and your eye on the prize. Be 100% clear about what you are looking for and date guys who are on the same page as you.